Yes, there is a huge state beyond New
York City and it is called
Upstate New York. It has some beautiful large cities and is also full of
MANY, MANY small towns and abundant farm land which we call Rural New York.
Here is someone's take on "Rural New York" and it's quite accurate.
This comes from Amy Barone Cannizzo my old Caroga Friend of almost 60 years!
Thank you Amy!
THE RULES OF RURAL NEW YORK ARE AS
FOLLOWS: Listen up City Slickers!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look
like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap around straight... your
head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a
'dirt road' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your
Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. I drive a pickup truck because I want
4. They are cattle. They're live
steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us.
Get over it. Don't like it? I-90 and I-81 go west and south. . . . use em.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. . . . we're
impressed. We have $250,000 combines to harvest corn and soybeans that are
driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural New York
waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an
8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your
hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. . . .
8. Yeah, we eat meat, 'taters and gravy,
beans and biscuits, and home made pie. You really want sushi and caviar?
It's available down at Jim's Bait Shop. . . .
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day
of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the Saturday before
10. We open doors for women. That is
applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special'
on the menu. Order steak or chicken. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and
pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are
three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices. . . .
salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah. . . . We don't care what you folks
in Chicago call that stuff you eat. . . . IT AIN'T REAL CHILI !!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house. . . .
it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house,
she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long blonde
15. The Syracuse Orangemen and high
school football are as important here as the Giants and the Jets and more
fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't
hit the water hazards. . . . it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We
have Cornell University, Ithaca College, Syracuse U., Colgate, the SUNY
system, Community Colleges, and Voc-Techs. They come
outta there with an education plus a love for God and Country, and they
still wave to everybody when they come home for the holidays.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! !
! ! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music anyway. We don't want to hear it
any more than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1.)
19. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard.
. . . it's a flurry. Drive in it like you got some sense, and DON'T take all
our bread, milk, and eggs off the grocery shelves. This ain't Alaska!
Worst case. . . . you may have to live a whole day without croissants.
Anyway. . . . the pickups with snowplows will have you out the next day.
20. If you've never been here, come visit
our friendly folks and enjoy our spectacular scenery. . . . lakes, farmland,
great fishing and hunting, wineries, museums, lots of history.
Take a boat ride on the Erie Canal. Check out Niagara Falls and the
Adirondack and Catskill Mountains.
21. By the way, if you want to talk to God in New
York. . . . it's a local call.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!